As we continue going through the transformation we are all in the midst of, it can sometimes feel like we aren’t making any progress at all. We find ourselves struggling to stay positive and slipping back into old habits that don’t enrich us or feed our souls. Our plans seem to go sideways and we begin to wonder if we are off our path. This makes it tough to keep having faith.
I went through a bout of this recently with my Hocking Hills retreat weekend. I was excited to share one of my favorite places with a group of 10 lovely women and had high hopes for a weekend filled with fun. The Universe, though, had other plans.
The trip started out with the women I was driving with showing up as fire trucks came swooping in to try to put out a house fire next door. The neighbor had left a pot on and gone somewhere and smoke had been billowing out from under her garage door. We drove off to the sound of sirens wailing. Perhaps I should have taken that as a sign!
The next challenge happened at Ash Cave where we were meeting the rest of our group for the first hike of the weekend. We got out of the car, only to discover that the keys had been locked inside! With no cell service in the area, this led to a group heading off to find somewhere they could get a call through, delaying our plans by a couple of hours. In the midst of that, one of the participants discovered that her husband had been in a car accident. Thankfully, he was okay, but she was understandably concerned and frustrated that communication was so challenging without cell reception.
That night, I decided to sleep outside on the back porch. Normally, I can’t get enough of being outside, so this would have been fun. On this occasion, I ended up hardly sleeping at all and spending a lot of time wondering if the raccoons that were running around over my head on the upstairs porch were going to come down and discover me. Needless to say, I was very tired when morning finally came.
The next challenge, which was really the tipping point for me, occurred with stairs. One of the women fell down the stairs (and was thankfully okay) about the time that I had my own stair catastrophe. I was on my way downstairs with my heavy bag full of spiritual tools and realized it was silly to carry them down there as I would just have to bring them back up later. I turned to ask one of the women who was on her way up to take it back up with her. She took the bag from me, lost her balance, and bumped a picture on the wall. With a call of warning to me to watch out, I turned and looked up, only to get hit right in the left eye. All I could think of was that I was going to be blind as it felt like the heavy picture had hit directly on my physical eye. Thankfully, after doing a series of Bodytalk Fast Aid several times, I discovered I could still see and only had a black eye. The shock and pain of this, though, opened the floodgates for me and all the repressed emotions from the last month of shifts and changes came welling up and pouring out.
Thankfully, two of the women who were with me were people I’ve known a long time and both are gifted intuitive healers in their own right. They were both wonderful! They helped me figure out what was happening from a spiritual point of view and provided a lot of much-needed comfort and love. After that, a group of us were guided to do an energy clearing with one of the participants which offered a beautiful healing for us all. That changed the course of the weekend – bringing great healing and transformation for everyone, though not in the format I had expected.
So what did I learn from all of this? Here are a few insights that hopefully will help you through your own challenges…
- We don’t have to do this alone. Many of us have spent most of our life feeling that it was our job to help and support others. We are much more comfortable being the givers instead of the receivers. This experience brought me the gift of seeing I don’t have to go through these changes alone. I had felt responsible for providing all the support on the weekend and had it brought home to me again that my job isn’t to have it all together. My job is to be real and to let God work through me. My own struggles offered a way for the others to step into empowerment with their own gifts. They gained confidence in what they have to offer and I received the blessing of their wisdom and kindness.
- Being honest, even when it makes you feel vulnerable, is healing and empowering. I’ve spent a lot of my life as someone who is highly sensitive trying to protect my vulnerability. This experience (and some others along the way) reminded me that being vulnerable and sharing from the heart is actual one of my greatest strengths. By being willing to be honest about what I was going through and in asking for help, I received what I needed and also allowed others to get what they needed by being able to share their own wisdom and love. Others felt safe to share their struggles and we found a lot of common themes in what we were experiencing which brought us all comfort and support.
- Staying in your North Node is vital. I have talked about Jan Spiller’s book, Astrology of the Soul with pretty much everyone I have worked with over the years. This book offers a blueprint for your spiritual path and the traits that you are developing in this lifetime. It provides valuable information to help you see your challenges and what you are trying to learn. My North Node is Aries and my job is to lead and act by following my own inspirations and needs. My astrological sun sign is Capricorn whose keynote is “to teach” so these two focuses require me to follow what I’m inspired to learn and to teach what I discover. With this experience, I was slipping into my old patterns and focusing on what I thought others needed to learn. The Universe quickly corrected me by bringing me back to my path of self-discovery and self-love and in doing this allowed everyone to learn what they needed to.
- We are Divinely Guided. I have had so many magical experiences in my life and so much evidence has been provided about how well and truly loved I am by the Spiritual Guides who walk with me. They are truly phenomenal! Even in the midst of the challenges I faced, I felt protected, loved and cared for. The weekend didn’t go as I had planned, but it did provide me exactly what I needed to move into my joy and step fully into my true self. My Team brought me support in the form of wonderful friends, synchronistic events, and a weekend that was designed to give me time with small groups of people instead of the larger group focus I had planned. It truly was a magical weekend in so many ways and continues to bring me blessings as I process all that occurred.
- Everything thing always works out for me in ways I enjoy. I’ve been saying this statement a lot lately and even though I didn’t “enjoy” some of what happened over the weekend, I do see that I enjoyed the results and how much better I felt after the experience. Even my eye injury healed quickly. I also realized that the more I stay centered in this belief – continuing to affirm that I am a magical being, living in a magical Universe, and everything always works out for me in ways I enjoy, the more that becomes my truth.
Finally, I would like to say a big thank you to the amazing women I had the gift of spending the weekend with. I am so grateful for all of you and for your willingness to choose to go through transformation at such a deep and profound level with each other. I love you all!
Sending much love and hugs to everyone else too!
PS. If you need some intuitive insight and practical coaching to help you through these transformational times, I am happy to help! You can learn more about working with me here: How to Get Started
Saturday night, I saw an image of a salmon jumping out of the water as it struggled to swim upstream. I could feel how it was fighting to keep going and also the part that wanted to just give in and just let the river win. It almost felt as if the salmon was jumping out of the water to see how much further it had to go. I read about the salmon in Animal-Wise by Ted Andrews. He mentions that salmon will swim 1,500 miles upstream back to the place they were born. They mate there, lay eggs, and then die. Andrews wraps up the section with the following:
“When the salmon appears, we need to take a look at the pilgrimage we have either been on or have been considering taking. Our life will never be the same. We will be transformed. There will be a feeling of predestination in regards to a spiritual journey.”
As I meditated on this image, I was given a very clear sense of the spiritual journey we are all on both as individuals and as a species. It was if I could see how the struggle to swim upstream was forcing all the false beliefs and distractions to be dropped. The only way to make it back to ourselves is to become so clear on who we really are.
So who am I? I had another vision of a past life in which I was a nun who was ruthlessly punishing herself for not being able to get beyond the “weaknesses of the flesh.” I could feel so strongly how desperately she wanted to be worthy of God. She literally wanted to “melt the flesh” from her soul, so she could be good enough. As I sit in this lifetime, I see that much of my journey has been to embrace being human. I have had to learn through many painful lessons that I have to love and care for the very physical and human me for the spiritual aspects to shine through.
I believe that we are all God just as the smallest raindrop is of the same essence as the mighty ocean. We each have in us the Divine and the Divine is not just the parts we like. I was shown the image of a tiger. I could feel its power and beauty. What a graceful and amazing animal! Then I was shown it killing. I heard Spirit say, “Is it any less Divine when it takes life to live?” While I shy away from seeing the taking of life to survive as in Divine order, my very practical self says that of course it is exactly that. We all kill something to live (or let someone else kill it for us) because without doing so, we would die. Life lives off of life.
So what does that mean to me as I try to evolve into the highest version of myself? I heard it means we should all live according to our true nature. “If you are a tiger, then be a tiger. If you are a fish, then be a fish. Do not try to be that which you are not.”
I think as human beings we lose our way sometimes with this. We are such complex creatures with the ability to be so many things. We can see aspects of ourselves in others because we possess a bit of each. Knowing that though doesn’t negate the fact that at our core, in this lifetime, we do have an essential nature that is who we are.
I asked for a metaphor to get a clearer picture of who I am at my essence. I saw a black cat. I had a cat growing up that I adored. She was a very independent and strong-willed cat. She would be very affectionate and loving (on her terms) and quick to put you in your place if you weren’t doing what she wanted. Every dog we had quickly learned that she was in charge. She woke me up many a night at 3 AM by howling as she clung to the screen of my window until I came to let her in. She knew exactly who she was and what she wanted.
I think about this and ask is this true of me? I can see many qualities of a cat in me. I need a lot of time alone. I like and need to do things my own way. I am very loving and affectionate with my loved ones and a bit reserved with strangers (unless I adopt a dog-like personality and strive to make them more comfortable). I can be demanding and impatient. I can also get focused to the point of becoming oblivious to what is going on around me. When I look back over my life, I see the times I’ve been the happiest are the times I’ve been cat-like. I can also see how I’ve spent a good portion of my life really trying to be more like a dog. The easy affection, openness, and easy-going nature of a dog are traits I really admire. Being a teacher required me to be dog-like. I needed to be outgoing and available all the time as a teacher. There wasn’t much space for wandering off on my own or choosing to ignore someone’s demands of me. I think that is why I never could quite get comfortable there.
So what is your true nature? Who are you at your core? What are the aspects of this true nature that you reject or struggle against? As we all swim against the current to return to our true center, I feel we will have to let go of our resistance to the truth of who we are. We need all of our nature to get home, to make it upstream, to evolve. We need to be who we are meant to be.
We’ll be asking for guidance on this topic during our next community empowerment call on 9/16. I hope you can join me!
Your True Nature Soul Friends Empowerment Call, 9/16/2012 7PM-8PM Eastern Standard Time
For our community empowerment call, we’ll be exploring our true nature. We all have many aspects of our personality, but who are we at our core? When we peel away all the layers of trying to “fit in” we will find the essence of our true nature. On this call, we’ll be invoking Divine support to be given an animal metaphor to help us with this. I’ll lead you through a guided meditation to connect with your Spiritual Support Team (and teach you some tips about how to do this on your own along the way) and then I’ll provide additional interpretation and insight for those on the call with me. This call is for the members of the Soul Friends Community (Not a member yet? You can sign up here for $5/month: Soul Friends Membership). Call in details will be sent out on our community email list prior to the call.
Wishing you joy in the journey…