I’ve been pondering the concept of work lately. My husband and I both left our teaching jobs in the spring. We both have side businesses which have become are full-time focus. My husband finds himself struggling with the idea of having no where he has to be each day. Suddenly the need to “work” in the way he did before is gone, and frankly he’s not quite sure what to do with all the freedom it created.
For me, working from home is a dream come true. I am able to make my own schedule and I don’t have to go anywhere if I don’t want to. This is the first time in my life when I’m actually working in a career that allows me to be completely myself. So what is disrupting my slice of heaven? I think it has to do with the opposing forces of my introverted personality and my drive to express myself.
I’m going to be completely honest here…it is really hard for me to share my personal inner workings in this very public way. I know that some people are so comfortable sharing. They don’t seem to feel the same angst I do. Yet, I feel compelled to share anyway. Why? Maybe because it helps me find myself. It is as if by sharing with all of you what I’m experiencing, I am holding a mirror up so I can really see me too. I find it fascinating to be an observer of my own inner workings. I feel this drive to understand the whole of who I am and where I fit into the big picture of life. That’s why I so love the work I do. I have always loved stories and reading is a huge part of my life. When I read a story, I disappear into another world. I connect to the main character and yet I’m also able to stay detached. I see the bigger themes running through the narrative and feel the deep human truths being unfolded through their journey. There is something so deeply compelling for me in looking through this lens at life. There is a huge need in me to understand the deeper truths of why we are here and what this is all about.
This year, the metaphor of music has been coming to me frequently. Like a story, music is something that is composed and in the process of composition the whole is hidden from view. I believe we sometimes get stuck on the separate notes and forget that each note is being woven into the whole. When I think of why I’m here, I feel it has something to do with being able to hear the whole composition, so that we don’t get lost before the whole song is complete. Those moments when I glimpse the whole song are what compel me to keep exploring and sharing. It drives me to keep reaching out and searching to understand who I am and why I am here. Feeling the song of the Earth and how each one of us is an integral part to the weaving is blissful. Following this bliss is what gives life flavor. It’s the carrot that keeps pushing me to let go of my fears and fully be me.
Perhaps that is truly what our “work” is about. It stretches and shapes us until we are able to freely express our own true song. Sometimes, it helps us by pointing out the notes that don’t fit with the overall harmony and sometimes it provides those elusive glimpses of the Divine weaving through it all.
Wishing you joy in the journey!